- Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
- One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
- When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
- I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
- Whats the worst thing to do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet..
- X is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while.
- Slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
- Wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
- X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
- People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe i’m moving in circles..
- Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
- Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
- Best Friends Listen to what you dont say.
- Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
- So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
- X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
- Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
- You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
- Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the wor
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